Why do Husbands "Only" Have to Love Their Wives?

Recently a blogger wrote “It is just so unfair – a woman is called to respect and submit to her husband as to the Lord and all the husband has to do is love her!” Well, admittedly, at first glance through our contemporary cultural lenses, it would make sense that most women would tend to agree with this frustrated blogger.  That word ‘submit’, for women, just has a way of eliciting the same type of visceral reaction as say, long fingernails scratching a chalkboard. Here is just another reason to thank God for Blessed John Paul II who really opened my eyes to the real intention of these words of St. Paul.

First and foremost the distinction must be made that these words in no way give license to a husband to dominate his wife. That is not love. Nor does it mean that the man and woman are not equal to one another in their creation as human beings. That would not be biblical or true. The creation account in which Eve is formed out of Adam’s rib, or side, points toward woman’s equality with man – she did not come from his heel! Within this equality, however is a delightful (most of the time) complementarity which makes men and women clearly different from each other physically but also psychologically and emotionally. When the two come together as one in sacramental marriage there is an order proper to the man and the woman which, if lived out in the fullness of the grace of redemption, can order our marriages toward God and one another in precisely the way God intended. This is an amazing truth!

What is meant by a “proper order”? Consider where you work or how we are governed. Someone needs to assume the responsibility for the headship of any successful enterprise. This is what St. Paul means when he points to husbands and says essentially: YOU have the responsibility to LOVE your bride as Christ does –Remember how Christ loved us? He gave us the ultimate gift of himself on the cross. Now that doesn’t mean that husbands should seek death. It does mean that they are called to die to self, to allow their selfishness, greed and lusts to be crucified in order to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. To ‘submit’ to this love is to receive and reciprocate love as a wife is able and to allow her husband to love, provide for and protect her to the extent that he is able. This is a recipe for authentic joy and peace within the home. It is also a lot of work.

 All a man has to do is love his wife? If we truly understood and lived those words in the light of Christian revelation our witness would shine forth like nothing else in this world. Blessed John Paul II said in his teaching on the Transfiguration within the Luminous Mysteries of the rosary that Christ invites us to look to him and be transfigured through him in order to “Become who you truly are meant to be!”  Through sacramental marriage a man and a woman receive the graces to potentially fulfill their highest calling as human beings. This task is essential at this moment in time. Let’s get to work! 

By Laura McCown

Laura McCown has been married to Scott for 18 years. She has three children and when she is not driving them to their various activities she works as a campus minister at Colby College. Laura enjoys studying  and discussing Blessed John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and encouraging Catholics to learn the truths of the Faith in order to prepare for the intensifying conflict within our culture which Pope Benedict XVI calls “the dictatorship of relativism”.

Love and Children

In the 1984 Code of Canon Law, canon 1055 §1 defines the ends of marriage as “the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.” This was a shift from 1917 Code, which considered the good of the spouses to be subordinate to the primary purpose of marriage as the procreation and education of children; called by those of us who endured Latin classes the bonum prolis. The equality of these ends was a result of the reflection on marriage found in Vatican II and enumerated in documents such as Gaudium et Spes. Instead of focusing solely on the bonum prolis, the concept of marriage as a covenant of conjugal love was included to a greater degree than before. This shift was an undoubtedly positive result of a more complete understanding of marriage and the human person. However, the modern trend has been to distort the understanding of these two ends, and to lessen or in some cases completely remove the bonum prolis from our understanding of marriage.

Since the elevation of conjugal love was new, it received a great deal of attention. Indeed, many couples today enter marriage believing that conjugal love is the sole substantive good of marriage, and believe that children are merely an accidental good. This understanding has been bolstered by a modern culture which views children as nice but unnecessary, and a matter of personal choice. In effect, the understanding of children has become something separate from marriage. This separation of the bonum prolis from marriage has been distended by the prevalent contraceptive mentality. Couples who employ contraception no longer make the essential and natural connection between love, sex, and children. Instead of participating in acts that are both unitive and open to the potential of new life, sex becomes something that has nothing to do with children.

In my work as a canonist, I often see cases where couples enter marriage with little or no thought about children. Instead they focus completely on love. Sometimes they assume that somewhere along the line they may have a child or two, but no more thought is given. The woman blithely uses contraceptives, and the couple never quite gets around to discussing children. This is another problem with contraceptives; since the possibility of children has been eradicated, the couple has no need to discuss children in relation to their sexuality. Instead of something natural and intimate, sex becomes something sterile and individualistic.

The Church teaches that marriage involves both spouses giving a total gift of self. This gift is not limited to the spouses only. As John Paul II writes in Familiaris consortio:

                         Conjugal love, while leading the spouses to the reciprocal “knowledge” which makes them “one 
                         flesh,” does not end with the couple, because it makes them capable of the greatest possible gift,
                         the gift by which they become cooperators with God for giving life to a new human person. Thus
                         the couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the reality of 
                         children.

Of course, there are times when a couple is unable to have children, and this does not affect the validity or good of that marriage. The attainment of the ends of marriage is not what makes a marriage valid or “successful.” Instead it is the intention to cooperate with God and the purposes of marriage that is important.

When the shift was made to include the good of the spouse as equal to the bonum prolis, it was with the understanding that these two ends are inseparable. Marriage is a natural institution, and as such, conjugal love does not exist without the bonum prolis. True marital love necessarily involves the love of children. When the idea of children is removed from the understanding of marriage, what is left is a not a marriage at all. It is a mere relationship between two people, and not a relationship between two people, God, and the reality of children. Christ elevated marriage to a sacrament for precisely this reason, and it is the duty of spouses, with the aid of the Church, to live their marriage with the intention of fulfilling the true purpose of marriage.

By Shannon Fossett

Shannon is a Canonist for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, Maine.

Winter is a Blessing

I don’t know what the original thinking was when Easter was “scheduled” in the spring, but I think it was a stroke of divine inspiration. It’s probably no mistake either that Advent and Lent (both seasons of preparation) occur in the winter season. At least to my thinking.  “What is her point?” you ask.

All week I’ve been reflecting on the changes that winter brings.  Patios and picnic tables covered in snow. Cumbersome coats, boots, gloves, hats are pulled out of mothballs as are winter tires, snow shovels and sanding salt.  Trees and bushes stand like so many stick figures waiting in the wings for their dress rehearsal.

Isn’t it the same with us?  We are forced to slow down because of the season and occasionally we come to a standstill because of the weather.

If it weren’t for the winter season, I would continue to be busy doing this, that and the other.  Busy running errands, spending time with friends, going shopping and whatever else I get caught up in when the temperature is fine and I can go about unencumbered by the weather.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, for me, winter is an extended examination of conscience.  In the winter I become more reflective, more introspective.  I find areas in my life where I should be doing better, behaviors and attitudes that need changing.  I don’t always succeed in making those changes but at least now I recognize what I need to work on.  So in my life winter is indeed . . . a blessing.


By Judy Michaud

Closer to Christ

I’ve always wanted to do good work for God. To labor in His vineyard, busy with the task of evangelization, helping others know the Lord. It is a great blessing that I have employment in the field of evangelization, a job in the Office of Lifelong Faith Formation, where I can daily put my hands to tasks that advance the Kingdom and provide opportunities for God to move in peoples’ hearts and minds.

On the occasion of the new year I’ve had some time to reflect on what work the Lord truly asks me to do. Above all else I hear Him asking me to be closer to Him, to spend time and energy working on my relationship with God, helping myself know the Lord more. This is fitting because God loves me for me, not for what I do for Him. My own holiness, my own relationship with Christ, is a top priority for God. All the “work” I do for the Lord flows from and is made efficacious by my closeness with Christ.

By Joseph Mailhot

Joy to the World!

As we draw closer to the celebration of Christ's birth I have witnessed my children grow more excited each day - full of joy-filled anticipation for all that will happen and certainly for what they will receive under the tree on Christmas morning! My reflection, as I watched my children, led me to this question: Are we filled with this same child-like anticipation as we approach Christmas this year?

Pope Benedict XVI reminds us that, "In the birth of Jesus, God comes to us and asks us to receive Him, so that He can be born in our lives and transform them, and our world, by the power of His love." (General Audience, December 21, 2012) This is the Good News the angels proclaimed to the shepherds. This is the Good News that should permeate our entire beings as Baptized children of God. This is the Good News that so many around us desperately need to hear and see witnessed by those of us who call ourselves disciples of Christ!

This Christmas offers us another opportunity to receive anew Jesus Christ, the Light of the world, that we might be His instruments of light to our families, friends, neighbors, co-workers and the strangers in our midst.  The joy of the season reminds us of our true identity as followers of the Risen Christ, who defeated sin and death that we might have life and have it abundantly.

As we gather with our loved ones, especially at the Eucharistic table, let us ask the Lord of all life, to enkindle in the mangers of our hearts, a profound joy - that most beautiful fruit of the Holy Spirit.  And may that joy, seen so beautifully in the eyes of the little ones during these graced days, move us throughout the New Year as instruments of the New Evangelization.

Merry Christmas!

By Michael Lavigne

A Child is Born

Great news! We have a brand new granddaughter.  Maryn was born November 27 and weighed in at 7 lbs. 6.7oz.  I know that her parents are so proud they could bust.  I know, too, that they are filled with hopes and dreams for Maryn and her future. And this brings me to my point.

We are very soon going to celebrate the day of Jesus’ birth.  Although a birth of humble beginnings, I have no doubt that Mary and Joseph were filled with hopes and dreams for Jesus’ future, not unlike new parents of today. We bring our babies to the church for baptism and have done so for hundreds of years.  Mary and Joseph “brought the child Jesus into the Temple to do for him what the Law required. . . “(Luke 2:27). Both rituals are cause for celebration.  

Yet how much celebrating would we do if we heard the words that Simeon said to Mary: “This child is chosen by God for the destruction and the salvation of many in Israel.   He will be a sign from God which many people will speak against and so reveal their secret thoughts.  And sorrow, like a sharp sword will break your own heart.”    (Luke 2: 34, 35)

We celebrate Christmas with food and gifts.  We spend time with friends and loved ones and rightly so.  We celebrate the birth of the One who would later sacrifice his life.  Let us keep is mind that this Child became the hope for our future and the future of many generations. A Child is born. Jesus, the greatest gift of all, is with us! 

By Judy Michaud

A Hidden Gift

This season of Advent is really so epic.  All the readings lately (mostly from the prophet Isaiah) speak of this great thing that God is about to do.  It’s like all of creation lies in wait.  The nation has been waiting and longing and you can almost feel the anticipation.  Something huge is about to happen!  And we know that something huge indeed does happen.  But it is hidden – a tiny baby, born in a lowly stable, to two young and inexperienced parents.  Many people missed it.  They didn’t see.  They failed to recognize.  They expected something different.  And yet, this hidden, humble child is God.  He comes down to the earth he created and is the answer that all of creation was waiting for, longing for!

On my recent trip to the Holy Lands, I found myself reflecting on this great mystery of the Incarnation.  Of course, in preparing for the trip, I expected I would ponder such things in Bethlehem – the site of the manger and the shepherd’s fields, the place where God became man.  But I was surprised to find myself awestruck a bit earlier in the trip during our visit to Nazareth.  While celebrating Mass at the site of Mary’s home in Nazareth in the crypt of the huge Basilica of the Annunciation, I was struck by the profound reality that it is not in fact at Bethlehem where God touches down to earth.  It is in Nazareth.  We think of the circumstances of the birth of the Christ-child and we are struck by the humility, by the poverty, by the hidden way in which he chooses to come.  But the Incarnation actually happened in Nazareth – in an even more hidden, more humble way.  God touched down to earth in the womb of the Virgin Mary and no one else even knew!  God became man and there was no visible change.  No one could see the tiny baby growing in Mary’s womb.  No one – not even a shepherd or a magi – bowed down to give him the homage he was due.

God could have chosen to come to earth in power and might, displaying his majesty for all the world to see.  And yet he didn’t.  He chose to come as a baby, first veiled in the womb of the Virgin Mary, and then born in the little town of Bethlehem.  He comes in weakness, in vulnerability.  And this same God who came hidden in the womb of Mary comes to us each and every day in the hidden, humble gift of the Eucharist.  In the Eucharist we have truly present the Body, Blood, Soul, & Divinity of our God!  He humbles himself that we might physically hold him within us!  The humility and vulnerability of our God is astounding!  And yet, so often we go before him clothed with whatever it is we feel we must cover ourselves with – our pride, acts of piety, sense of self-sufficiency.  Our God comes to us in the most vulnerable of ways and yet we refuse to be vulnerable before him.  Let us in these final weeks of Advent allow ourselves to be stripped of the clothing we hold so dear and appear before our God in humility, in poverty, in complete vulnerability that He might love us as we are!

By Sarah Houde