Recently a blogger wrote “It is just so unfair – a woman is called to respect and submit to her husband as to the Lord and all the husband has to do is love her!” Well, admittedly, at first glance through our contemporary cultural lenses, it would make sense that most women would tend to agree with this frustrated blogger. That word ‘submit’, for women, just has a way of eliciting the same type of visceral reaction as say, long fingernails scratching a chalkboard. Here is just another reason to thank God for Blessed John Paul II who really opened my eyes to the real intention of these words of St. Paul.
First and foremost the distinction must be made that these words in no way give license to a husband to dominate his wife. That is not love. Nor does it mean that the man and woman are not equal to one another in their creation as human beings. That would not be biblical or true. The creation account in which Eve is formed out of Adam’s rib, or side, points toward woman’s equality with man – she did not come from his heel! Within this equality, however is a delightful (most of the time) complementarity which makes men and women clearly different from each other physically but also psychologically and emotionally. When the two come together as one in sacramental marriage there is an order proper to the man and the woman which, if lived out in the fullness of the grace of redemption, can order our marriages toward God and one another in precisely the way God intended. This is an amazing truth!
What is meant by a “proper order”? Consider where you work or how we are governed. Someone needs to assume the responsibility for the headship of any successful enterprise. This is what St. Paul means when he points to husbands and says essentially: YOU have the responsibility to LOVE your bride as Christ does –Remember how Christ loved us? He gave us the ultimate gift of himself on the cross. Now that doesn’t mean that husbands should seek death. It does mean that they are called to die to self, to allow their selfishness, greed and lusts to be crucified in order to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. To ‘submit’ to this love is to receive and reciprocate love as a wife is able and to allow her husband to love, provide for and protect her to the extent that he is able. This is a recipe for authentic joy and peace within the home. It is also a lot of work.
All a man has to do is love his wife? If we truly understood and lived those words in the light of Christian revelation our witness would shine forth like nothing else in this world. Blessed John Paul II said in his teaching on the Transfiguration within the Luminous Mysteries of the rosary that Christ invites us to look to him and be transfigured through him in order to “Become who you truly are meant to be!” Through sacramental marriage a man and a woman receive the graces to potentially fulfill their highest calling as human beings. This task is essential at this moment in time. Let’s get to work!
By Laura McCown
Laura McCown has been married to Scott for 18 years. She has three children and when she is not driving them to their various activities she works as a campus minister at Colby College. Laura enjoys studying and discussing Blessed John Paul II’s Theology of the Body and encouraging Catholics to learn the truths of the Faith in order to prepare for the intensifying conflict within our culture which Pope Benedict XVI calls “the dictatorship of relativism”.
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