Defending Marriage

 Over the last few years, the push for same-sex marriage has led opponents to surmise that “marriage is under attack” and that there is an urgent need to rally in “defense of marriage” as an institution.  While this debate touches upon the deepest values of our society, every day I am reminded of the many other ways that marriage is threatened. Trained to navigate and understand the laws of the Catholic Church, I am a canon lawyer and serve the Diocese of Portland primarily in the Marriage Tribunal, which investigates whether divorced individuals can remarry in the Catholic Church. More than anything, I have learned through my work here that so many have suffered greatly through failed marriages. While this is no surprise given the high divorce rate in the United States, hearing the stories of divorce and meeting those in pain is very different from reading a statistic. Some wounds never quite heal in this life.

As I share in the experiences of others’ turmoil, abuse, abandonment, hopelessness, anguish, shame, and disappointment, I imagine Christ’s commandment to “love one another” almost, instead, as a plea: “Please, I beg you! Love one another.” Every one of us, whether married or not, faces the trap to love less or not at all, to give less or not at all. Marriages fade and die without love. The love that marriage needs, however, is not mere affection, emotion, or feeling. Love is a commitment, a selfless devotion to the happiness and well-being of another. Although men and women are made to love and be loved, it takes effort to live our lives according to love.

In our own marriages, the fate of marriage as an institution is at stake. If marriage is the bedrock of our society, let it first be the bedrock of our families. It is so important for our friends, relatives and, most of all, children, to recognize the love that thrives in marriage. Too many broken marriages repeat themselves over the generations. How can we as a Church uphold marriage as a sacred institution if so many of us struggle to keep our families together? Whether you are single, happily married, unhappily married, or divorced, my advice is the same: love those close to you, especially when it’s difficult, and pray that God will give you the strength to live as you ought.

By Stephen Garbitelli, Canonist, Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland

Rules, Regulations, and Weddings: Why the Church Cares

During wedding season, one of the common questions I am asked by engaged couples is why they cannot have a non-traditional Catholic wedding. In an age where the average cost of an American wedding is $30,000, and numerous television shows highlight extravagant, personalized weddings, people are often bewildered by the Church placing restrictions and requirements on “their special day.”

When at least one of the spouses is Catholic, the Church has certain requirements for weddings. These requirements constitute what is called the canonical form of marriage. Canonical form includes elements such as who may witness a marriage, when a marriage may take place, what must be included in the ceremony, and where the ceremony is to take place. Canonical form has a long and colorful history in the Church. In the Middle Ages, weddings often involved only the couple exchanging their consent privately. However, these weddings produced disastrous results as the spouses, usually the wife, could not prove that they were really married. This led to social problems such as abandoned spouses, children, and confused property and inheritance rights.

While clandestine marriages may have been the catalyst for the introduction of canonical form, there are more pastoral and theological reasons underlying these requirements. At a practical and pastoral level, engaged couples must meet with a priest at some point before their wedding. This ensures that they are given the opportunity to receive assistance and preparation prior to marrying. Pope Benedict XVI, in his address to the Tribunal of the Roman Rota on January 23, 2011, spoke at length about the necessity of better marriage preparation as a means to counter the prevalence of divorce. This requirement affords ministers the opportunity to reach out to engaged couples. The second, more theological reason for canonical form is to ensure that the wedding ceremony corresponds to the liturgical and ecclesial components of a sacramental celebration in the Church.

Most people would never imagine requesting that any other sacrament take place outdoors, or to a form of their choosing. Marriages are not private events, but public ecclesial ones. The spouses are declaring their commitment publicly, and so it is fitting that the celebration takes place in a church, where the focus is on the Eucharist. Couples are sometimes upset that their wedding cannot take place on a tropical beach, with a friend who was recently “ordained” on the Internet presiding. Yet it is important for these couples to decide if what they truly desire is a marriage centered on Christ, and, if so, whether their wedding ceremony will be consistent with the true significance of the marriage covenant. The requirements of canonical form are not present to restrict the spouses. On the contrary, they exist to enable the couple to have the opportunity to receive assistance from the Church’s ministers, and to have a fruitful celebration worthy of the dignity of marriage.

By Shannon Fossett, Canonist, Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland

Singleness: A Grace-Filled Season

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that marriage is my vocation.  It’s tough to explain – just a deep-rooted, heart knowledge that this is how God is calling me to love.  So there are days (sometimes many days) when I ask myself: Why am I still single?!?  My plan for my life was to go to college, meet a good Catholic man, fall in love, and marry upon graduating.  Not only did that not happen, but here I find myself two years out of college, still not even dating, and yet still very much feeling called to marriage.  So, why am I blogging about this in the midst of National Catholic Marriage Week?  Allow me to explain.

Being a young adult, single Catholic can definitely be a challenge at times.  But what I’ve come to see in the past few years is that this season of singleness is a grace-filled opportunity.  If only I will open myself up to the graces available in it.  The Lord has revealed a lot to me in my quest for an answer to the ever-pressing question, “God, if you’re calling me to marriage, then how come you haven’t provided the necessary components (a.k.a. a man to pursue me!)?”  He has shown me that this season of singleness holds so much opportunity to enrich my life and the lives of those around me.  When I decided to stop living in a state of longing for the future and the fulfillment of my vocation to marriage and instead began to focus on the place where God has me right now, my life became so much more life-giving and fulfilling.  For whatever reason, this state of singleness is exactly where God has me, and as I began to seek His face in the midst of it rather than kick and scream through it, I found that this season of my life is not a cross to run from, but rather a gift to embrace.

It’s a gift for so many reasons.  I have the ability to pour myself completely into serving God by serving His Church, right now in full-time ministry.  I have the time to pursue hobbies and interests that I probably won’t have time for when raising a family.  I can invest myself in rich and lasting friendships with other women who find themselves in a similar situation.  The list goes on, but, I think perhaps the greatest aspect of this season of singleness is that it is a unique time to focus on my own personal formation so that I might have a more beautiful gift of self to offer my husband and children someday.  Now is the time to allow God to form me into the woman He has created me to be.  Now is the time to create habits of daily personal prayer and frequent reception of the sacraments that will strengthen me to live my vocation of marriage when the time comes.  Now is the time to truly learn that Christ and Christ alone is the only One who will ever fulfill me.  Now – this time of singleness – is truly a grace-filled time.  And so, to all those of you out there who find yourself in a similar situation, let me challenge you to use this time of singleness to prepare for marriage through a deeper commitment to your own personal formation so that you might more fully live the abundant life Christ desires for each one of us.

By Sarah Houde

Wife, Mother, Catechist

I’ve been a wife for almost 34 years. I’ve been a mother almost as long. Catechist? I was prepared to say 13-14 years but then I stopped because that wasn’t correct. I’ve been a catechist about as long as I’ve been a mother. With my first child and all the other beautiful babies that followed, I found it very important that they make a connection with Jesus as friend. Certainly, the Rites of Baptism tell us that parents are the primary educators of their child(ren). But was I paying attention to that during the baptism? Of course not! I was 24, had a wonderful husband and a beautiful baby boy. All I could do was gaze in awe at that four-week-old miracle. Yet for some reason (probably the example of my father and grandmothers) I knew those babies had to know about Jesus. I can’t honestly say that I taught them their prayers when they were very little but they did recognize Jesus: on the cross, in a picture, a statue, in the nativity scene at home and in the crèche in church and they knew who Mary was.

When my oldest was about four or so, a friend introduced me to music cassettes (no MP3s back then) of “Psalty, the Singing Songbook” (Psalty, Psalter songbook, get it?). There was a story that threaded through the whole cassette and the music was upbeat. The first song on the first cassette was titled “Time to Praise the Lord” or something like that. At least once a week one of the kids would ask me to “praise the Lord.” On went the cassette and off they went marching to the music and, for the most part, singing along with Psalty and the kids. I can still remember the refrain from that song. Then came school and religious education and formal prayers and later youth ministry. We spoke about that at home and my husband and I did our best to “practice what we preached.”

They’re all grown now and gone. Of the four, two of them go to church on a regular/semi-regular basis.  But my work as mother and catechist is not finished. I still do my best to lead by example and when I can, I bring God into the topic of discussion. I have no illusions. As a wife, mother and catechist I have made many mistakes and on occasion, I have been an outright failure. However, God knows my heart and I pray often that He will take the lemons that have been created by my mistakes and failures and make lemonade. I pray too that with whatever mustard seed of faith that has been planted in my children and in-laws, God will take those seeds and make them grow into strong adult faith. So in the end, I assure my family of my love and prayers and do my best to emulate St. Francis to “preach the Gospel always [and] when necessary, use words.”

By Judy Michaud

We Are Better Than That

On this eve of the annual March for Life I am sitting in my hotel room gazing upon my oldest child as he sleeps peacefully after a day of walking among the monuments and museums of Washington D.C. As I watch his precious face I am struck by the enormity of the statement that tens of thousands of pro-life citizens will make by their presence in our nation's capital tomorrow.

The message, in it's simplest form, is that we are better than that...we are capable of making decisions which protect the dignity of human life throughout the age spectrum. Abortion, euthanasia, embryonic stem cell research, child abuse, and any other attack against life always exemplifies the lowest common denominator of human behavior not some lofty, idealistic principals (see some recent statements from prominent pro-abortion politicians for this disordered, nonsensical dribble).

As rational beings, we are able to seek and know truth, beauty, and goodness. Attacks against the most innocent among us are never based on such standards. Buzz words like freedom, privacy, and choice are used cleverly to mask the destruction such callous acts typically bring upon the victims. Show me the unborn baby, mother or father who believe they are free - truly free - (physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually) following the choice to have an abortion. We are better than that disordered decision and such victims, and yes, they are all victims, intuitively know this reality.

The Venerable (and soon to be Blessed) John Paul II reminded all of humanity throughout his papacy that, "We are all obligated to care for man." Caring for another person is not allowing them to settle for the worst of what humanity is capable of doing. Rather, caring for our fellow brothers and sisters is challenging them to know what is true, good and beautiful and to live life abundantly as children of God. As Christ exhorted, "The truth shall set you free."

As I wait to join the thousands who desire to care for their fellow humans in such a way, I will continue to gaze upon my child and remember what we, who are created in the image and likeness of God, are truly capable of in our lives.

Michael Lavigne

Magnanimity

If the word  magnanimity isn’t already a part of your regular vocabulary, consider adding it today. The Latin roots of the word “magn” and “anima” are translates as “great soul.” Other uses of the word include ‘the virtue of greatness’ and ‘striving for excellence.’ I remember a talk given by Fr. Peter Laird, the Vicar General for the Archdiocese of St. Paul/Minneapolis, that focused on magnanimity. Fr. Laird presented the life of Holiness as a life striving for excellence in all things. God created each of us in a specific way, with individual talents and potentials, and we can cooperate with God’s Grace to achieve excellence in all areas of our life. Excellent spirituality, excellent discipline, to be physically and mentally excellent, and to live our vocation excellently!

God created us either male or female, and so too we must strive, with God’s guidance and Grace, to be excellent men and women. John Paul II’s great theological gift called the “Theology of the Body” examines the things that are essential to our masculinity and femininity and how the genders should relate to one another in holiness.

I am so excited that the Office of Lifelong Faith Formation will be offering men’s and women’s retreats to both Youth and Young Adults this year so that many Catholics in Maine can discover the truth and beauty of who they are as a son or daughter of God.  I have the privilege of working on the men’s retreats which are titled ‘Fully Alive.’ Our Catholic Faith is full of examples of authentic manliness lived out in a life of holiness. Just take a look at the lives of the saints and you will find men who strived to imitate Christ and serve His Church. 

I find it interesting then, that in our contemporary times, living an authentic Catholic life of virtue and prayer isn’t seen as a manly thing to do! Perhaps it is because modern men feel like a generation of men raised by women. The reality is that for a lot of guys, male role models are not present in everyday life. Could it be that when men get involved in their local Catholic Parish, they don’t find a spirituality relevant to their masculinity or a faith that challenges them as men?

What I think we need is a sort of renaissance. Men who imitate Christ, men who live sacrificial lives of service as priests, husbands, and fathers. Men who strive to be the most excellent man they can be and in doing so fulfill God’s plan for them as His son’s. 

 Joe Mailhot

Operation Epiphany

Today, January 6, 2011, marks the official Feast of the Epiphany, which we (the Catholic Church in America along with several other countries) have come to celebrate on the second Sunday following Christmas. The 12 days of Christmas end on January 6th regardless. And to make things more complicated, liturgically, we are in the Christmas season until the Feast of the Baptism of Our Lord, which this year falls on Sunday, January 9th.

So, as we begin the seemingly confusing transition back into “Ordinary Time” – as we take down our Christmas trees, pack up the decorations and retire our poinsettias – the Office of Lifelong Faith Formation wants to remind you that there is nothing ordinary about Ordinary Time. This is especially true thanks to today’s launch of Operation Epiphany; we have officially opened up registration for a plethora of wonderfully Catholic opportunities in the coming months and YOU are invited.

I leave you with this quote from J.R.R. Tolkien, "The only cure for sagging of fainting faith is Communion. Though always Itself, perfect and complete and inviolate, the Blessed Sacrament does not operate completely and once for all in any of us. Like the act of Faith it must be continuous and grow by exercise…Out of the darkness of my life, so much frustrated, I put before you the one great thing to love on earth: the Blessed Sacrament... There you will find romance, glory, honour, fidelity, and the true way of all your loves on earth." Open your hearts in 2011 to an encounter with Love!

January

Hands Around the Capital Youth Rally – Open to youth groups and families – January 15, 2011. Join us and hundreds of other people of faith as we support a culture of life in our state’s capital. There will be mass at 10am with Bishop Malone at St. Michael’s in Augusta followed by an adult rally and a walk/demonstration over at the state building. Afterwards, enjoy a bite to eat in St. Michael’s gym followed by a Keynote, a presentation by the Catholic Youth Leadership Team, a skit by the Catholic Youth Leadership Team and ending with a Praise & Worship concert. The cost is $10 (to cover the cost of food). Please register your group/family ahead of time so that we know how much food to order.

February

Capture My Heart – A Retreat for Young Adult Women – February 11-13, 2011: Theme- “I am my Beloved’s & His desire is for me” – Song of Songs 7:10. Ladies, join us for a weekend-long get-away to help women fall more in love with Jesus Christ, their Beloved. This retreat approaches womanhood in a completely positive light; it is designed to be a celebration of who we are as women, to build women up by affirming their femininity. The focus is on the truth of who God has created us to be. More information and registration information is available at cyamme.org.

Fully Alive – A Retreat for Young Adult Men – February 25-27, 2011: Theme- “The glory of God is man fully alive” - St. Irenaeus. Gentleman, join us for a weekend of brotherhood and retreat from the daily duties of life to help men refocus on their relationship with Christ. This retreat is designed to call men forth to be self-sacrificing after the model of Christ and His ultimate sacrifice on the cross. It will focus on authentic manhood and elements intrinsic to the nature of men. More information and registration is available at cyamme.org.

March

New Evangelization Weekend (N.E.W.) – A Retreat Weekend Open to Adults – March 4-6, 2011: "I sense that the moment has come to commit all of the Church's energies to a new evangelization. No believer in Christ, no institution of the Church can avoid this supreme duty: to proclaim Christ to all peoples." -Redemptoris Missio 3. Join us for a weekend-long retreat opportunity for any adult age 18 or above looking for an opportunity to grow in their faith and have a weekend away to focus on their relationship with Christ. The focus is two-fold: Discipleship & Evangelization. The retreat is designed to deepen your own relationship with Christ (discipleship) and assist you in sharing that with others (evangelization). In addition to dynamic talks centered on these two themes, the weekend will consist of opportunities for prayer and the sacraments, small group sharing and times of fellowship. More information and registration is available at camome.org.

April

Catholic Youth Convention – A Retreat for Teens in Grades 8-12 – April 29-May 1, 2011: Theme – Extreme Makeover Soul Edition: Renovated, Rooted, Redeemed. “As therefore you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so live in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.” (Col 2:7). More information and registration is available at cymme.org.

May

Capture My Heart – A Retreat for Teen Women – May 20-22, 2011: Theme- “I am my Beloved’s & His desire is for me” – Song of Songs 7:10. Ladies, join us for a weekend-long get-away to help women fall more in love with Jesus Christ, their Beloved. This retreat approaches womanhood in a completely positive light; it is designed to be a celebration of who we are as women, to build women up by affirming their femininity. The focus is on the truth of who God has created us to be. More information and registration information is available at cymme.org.

Fully Alive – A Retreat for Teen Men – May 13-15, 2011: Theme- “The glory of God is man fully alive” - St. Irenaeus. Gentleman, join us for a weekend of brotherhood and retreat from the daily duties of life to help men refocus on their relationship with Christ. This retreat is designed to call young men forth to be self-sacrificing after the model of Christ and His ultimate sacrifice on the cross. It will focus on authentic manhood and elements intrinsic to the nature of men. More information and registration is available at cymme.org.

July

New Evangelization Week (N.E.W.) – A Retreat Weekend Open to Teens – July 10-14, 2011: Join us for a 5-day retreat opportunity for students who will be in grades 9-12 in the fall. The focus is two-fold: Discipleship & Evangelization. The week is designed to deepen your own relationship with Christ (discipleship) and assist you in sharing that with others (evangelization). In addition to dynamic talks centered on these two themes, the event will consist of opportunities for prayer and the sacraments, small group sharing and times of fellowship. More information and registration is available at cymme.org.

Shaina Tanguay-Colucci