Love and Children

In the 1984 Code of Canon Law, canon 1055 §1 defines the ends of marriage as “the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring.” This was a shift from 1917 Code, which considered the good of the spouses to be subordinate to the primary purpose of marriage as the procreation and education of children; called by those of us who endured Latin classes the bonum prolis. The equality of these ends was a result of the reflection on marriage found in Vatican II and enumerated in documents such as Gaudium et Spes. Instead of focusing solely on the bonum prolis, the concept of marriage as a covenant of conjugal love was included to a greater degree than before. This shift was an undoubtedly positive result of a more complete understanding of marriage and the human person. However, the modern trend has been to distort the understanding of these two ends, and to lessen or in some cases completely remove the bonum prolis from our understanding of marriage.

Since the elevation of conjugal love was new, it received a great deal of attention. Indeed, many couples today enter marriage believing that conjugal love is the sole substantive good of marriage, and believe that children are merely an accidental good. This understanding has been bolstered by a modern culture which views children as nice but unnecessary, and a matter of personal choice. In effect, the understanding of children has become something separate from marriage. This separation of the bonum prolis from marriage has been distended by the prevalent contraceptive mentality. Couples who employ contraception no longer make the essential and natural connection between love, sex, and children. Instead of participating in acts that are both unitive and open to the potential of new life, sex becomes something that has nothing to do with children.

In my work as a canonist, I often see cases where couples enter marriage with little or no thought about children. Instead they focus completely on love. Sometimes they assume that somewhere along the line they may have a child or two, but no more thought is given. The woman blithely uses contraceptives, and the couple never quite gets around to discussing children. This is another problem with contraceptives; since the possibility of children has been eradicated, the couple has no need to discuss children in relation to their sexuality. Instead of something natural and intimate, sex becomes something sterile and individualistic.

The Church teaches that marriage involves both spouses giving a total gift of self. This gift is not limited to the spouses only. As John Paul II writes in Familiaris consortio:

                         Conjugal love, while leading the spouses to the reciprocal “knowledge” which makes them “one 
                         flesh,” does not end with the couple, because it makes them capable of the greatest possible gift,
                         the gift by which they become cooperators with God for giving life to a new human person. Thus
                         the couple, while giving themselves to one another, give not just themselves but also the reality of 
                         children.

Of course, there are times when a couple is unable to have children, and this does not affect the validity or good of that marriage. The attainment of the ends of marriage is not what makes a marriage valid or “successful.” Instead it is the intention to cooperate with God and the purposes of marriage that is important.

When the shift was made to include the good of the spouse as equal to the bonum prolis, it was with the understanding that these two ends are inseparable. Marriage is a natural institution, and as such, conjugal love does not exist without the bonum prolis. True marital love necessarily involves the love of children. When the idea of children is removed from the understanding of marriage, what is left is a not a marriage at all. It is a mere relationship between two people, and not a relationship between two people, God, and the reality of children. Christ elevated marriage to a sacrament for precisely this reason, and it is the duty of spouses, with the aid of the Church, to live their marriage with the intention of fulfilling the true purpose of marriage.

By Shannon Fossett

Shannon is a Canonist for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Portland, Maine.