You've Got a Friend in Me

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship." 

St. Thomas Aquinas

I came across the above quote on Twitter the other day.  My first reaction was, "well, of course that is true." And I found that I was not alone in my reaction as I received some quick feedback from a few people when I re-posted the quote on Facebook.  

Then it hit me. Per usual with St. Thomas there is more to this quote than meets the eye.  

From a secular point of view a "true" friend would be someone who "has my back."  Someone who would be on "my side" when needed.  Someone who is loyal "to me." (I would often hear this from my students when asked to define "friend." They would also say that a "true" friend would "tell me what I want to hear," "not snitch on me," "not tell me if was doing something wrong," etc.)  But true friendship from Aquinas' point of view, the Christian point of view, is different.

First and foremost a true friend would...well...stand for the truth in charity or love.  St. Paul gives us the standard for this in 1 Corinthians: "Love is patent, love is kind.....it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth." (1 Cor 13: 4,6)  

A true friend knows truth and, out of love, wants that truth to be manifested in my life as a friend.  This is especially true when I might be wrong.  A true friend would not "have my back" in such a situation, but, anchored in love, would tell me the truth in order that I might find my way back towards Truth.

A true friend sacrifices for the sake of the other. Such a person does not keep score for better or worse.  Could you imagine if my best friend (that would be my wife) kept score in our marriage (for the record I would be not doing well I am sure)?  Such score-keeping would undermine our relationship as each person would be waiting for the other to "catch up" and "even the score."  St. Paul speaks to this as well, "It does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury." (1 Cor 13: 5). The true friend continues to give - to love - to call the other to the truth.  In fact, the true friend forgives first and then challenges the other to right the wrong and helps them to do so (to often, in our "litigious" society we demand the apology and restitution before even considering the possibility of forgiveness - "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.").

A true friend "never fails."  The problem with this piece is that all of us fail.  We all sin at the expense of the others in our lives due to concupiscence.  Hence, in the end there is only one "true" friend who is the standard for all friendships: Jesus Christ. "There is nothing on this earth more to be prized" than a true friendship with our Savior.  Ultimately a friendship with Christ becomes the standard and the source of grace for all other friendships.  

I am becoming more convinced every day that this is the fundamental problem with so many in our world today.  They lack an authentic friendship with Jesus (please note that I am not referring to the caricature of Jesus that has been created over the years - I am speaking of the Savior of the world who is the Way, the Truth and Life; Who suffered and died for all of humanity for all time; Who pours Himself out to the world through the Sacraments - especially the Eucharist; Who called sin a sin, forgave and said "sin no more." That is the Jesus I am speaking of). 

Those of us who strive to know, love and follow Jesus are obligated to befriend others as He befriends us.  This is true friendship.  And there is nothing on earth which is more prized.

by Michael Lavigne